2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
