You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
