his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
