do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
