I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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