theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
