Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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