This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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