Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
