The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
