What did we do last night that was yellow?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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