OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
