Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Randomize
