i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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