thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
