He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
