I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
