already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm just crazy horny about you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
