the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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