Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
