I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
