i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
