Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Houston, we have a squirter
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
