I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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