Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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