why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
