You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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