Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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