he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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