I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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