im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
