So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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