i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
