hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
