the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
