She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
