I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
