Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
