when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
