The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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