Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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