how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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