I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
