I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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