my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
