Yo dont text me then not text me
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
