ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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