everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
