sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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