Your mouth is God's brothel.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
