So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
