I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
