He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
