I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
