On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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