And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
