Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
