You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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