Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
