I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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