The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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