i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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