I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
