at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
