i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He felt like a one man threesome
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
