were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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