you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
