The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I could fuck to npr.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
