So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
