My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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