im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
