You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
