Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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