Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
