I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
